Unusual feelings of reassurance arise when I can not-so-proudly say that everything is going un-right in my life.
Rock bottom means nothing more can go wrong.
Typical teen angst, Rephrased: rock bottom is merely three feet below the surface. Neverless- at this point, one more notch in the ol' belt seems much easier to handle when there are already a few dozen punching through.
Rock bottom becomes my safety net; I get aquainted with the consistency of it all.
The bottom of the rock is surprisingly lighter than common sense makes it out to be.

Whenever I'm by myself (#or with Buzz), I am constantly overwhelemed by the concept of the infinite. The expansiveness of everything - thoughts, ideas, space, light, matter - gives me this feeling of having a void in the middle of my chest while simultaneously feeling hopeful. Inexplainable, even to myself.

Sometimes I try to picture the end of space. I imagine the limit of the world, then the limit of the galaxy, and then I keep going;
         each limit in my mind giving way giving way giving way until I achieve a type of weird vertigo.
            an intangible mantra - orgasm of the mind.

When you say words, I see colours

My second post about what lies deep in my psyche. (click here for first) 

Involuntary like tourette's (bu a gay, rainbow, unicorn edition), my condition makes my day brighter. Every sentence said to me feels* like an acid trip.
* I say feel because I do not necessarily see the colours right before my eyes. More like a presence, like the eyes of a stranger staring at the back of my head.

Anesthesia: no sensation.
Synesthesia: joined sensation. A very close and quick overlap between a sequence of two or more representational systems such as “see/feel” (feelings overlap with what is seen).

Although with this syndrome comes a slight obsessive compulsive disorder. If a word does not have a colour, I begin to feel threatened and vulnerable. My brain cannot comprehend it; the word naked and isolated. I am mentally driven to dress this word with something that will suit it perfectly. Only then can I move on with my daily activities.

When I was younger I used to match my Sims names with their outfits. Penelope, the model, would always wear pink. Martha and Theo, politicans, would only be seen in blue. Building blocks with the alphabet on them? Never matched up to the corresponding colour and hence became the stimulus of many, many tantrums.

You have colour, I have a colour. Everything has colour, and will provide me with constant entertainment throughout my life.

Read more here - Wikipedia forever, bitches.

Buzz

"Triumps" in the world of flatting.

Dear slightly younger me,

You're about to start living independently, congrats! It all sounds very thrilling, I know. You're (finally) in charge - all these wonderful responsibility laid upon you - and you have this exciting new challenge of taking control of your life. You're almost shaking with excitement, you can't wait to live alone.

What you don't know is that the reality of living alone is a lot (a lot) different from your current idea of independency. Your opinion of success will alter dramatically. To help you - me - us - out, I've complied an 10-fold, easy to follow guide of what will become "triumphs" in the world of flatting:

1. When you get through a whole week without having the same dinner three nights in a row.

2. When you actually have a clean pair of knickers in your drawer (and don't have to wear bikini bottoms).

3. When your washing comes out of the machine the same colour it was when it went in.

4. When your washing comes out of the dryer the same size it was when it went in.

5. When you bought the perfect amount of weekly groceries: enough that you are able to construct a meal on the Saturday with more than just condensed milk and baking powder, but not too much that you have floppy carrots sulking in your fridge's vege bin (a month after you bought them).

6. When the recipe says "2 tsps of diced tangy ginger spice" and you actually find diced tangy ginger spice in your pantry.

7. When guests come over and you have enough glasses that everyone can have a drink.

8. When guests come over and the living room is clear of underwear and/or dirty dinner plates from a few days back.

9. When you actually put away your clean washing, rather than just fishing the specific clothes out of the dryer when needed.

and 10. When you are actually telling the truth to your mother on the phone when you say that you vaccuumed yesterday/just did the dishes/my bed is already made.

Good luck, mini me. I hope my time machine works.

Love, Ophelia